the end..

when i leave this world....
wat would i wanted 2 have been able 2 have done in this life?

its only times when those who are close n dear 2 us leave.. do we start wondering...

i've wasted so much months thinking bout ppl who dont deserve it...
i've wasted so much days in my own fantasies of 'what ifs' instead of getting real..
i've wasted time crying bout those who dont know wat it means 2 hurt others...
i've wasted precious moments being angry rather than forgiving...

wat shud i be doing?

i shud be trying 2 build a deeper relationship with God
i shud be spending time with those i love de most..
i shud be telling them how much they mean 2 me...
i shud be trying 2 make some1's life a better place...
i shud be thinking less about me n more about othrs!!

u noe wat sux?
its de fact that i know i'm going 2 repeatedly waste time on certain stupid things n regret it later...
i'm gonna try harder this time...
i hope it works...

i want 2 know that i've made a difference when i leave this world...

after all....
The Big Guy up there did put me here 4 a good reason rite?
i hope i make Him proud:)

ms fix it!

i am sooo drawn 2 imperfections....
no1 is perfect = fact of life..

but i tend 2 get "attached" 2 ppl who i wanna fix.. dats bad...
i realized i've been doing it 4 all my life till like a few mths ago...

imperfections still attract me.. way more than they wud u..
but now... i wanna love those details.. i wanna accept n understand it...
n thats exactly wat i'm doing or at least trying 2:)

ms fixer has officially left the building:)

aargh!!

i...
i miss....
i miss u...
i misss u so....
i miss u sooo much....

aargh!!! wats wrong with me?

i should be feeling like...

i....
i hate u...
i hate u 4 being a @##$%%^&&#@%&*$#%@%!!!

aargh!!

who m i talking bout?
hopefully... u'll never know!!
muahahahaah

*shit... i've officially lost it*

wonder woman.... vroom....

women can multi task better than men.....
its a fact of life...

at 1 point in life.. i thought i'd have 2 work n study 2 support myself,,,,
God has blessed me n i've managed 2 take up a full time course...

i admire those who manage 2 do both n still do well... my hats off 2 u...

especially.. my dear rotaract president...
managing an entire club.. starting from scratch.. n working it up 2 an award winning status is simply fantastic!!!
so much time n effort went into forming the club.. but she still brought her A game when it came to the exams!!!
amazing!!
*wonder woman*

u certainly have gained a standing ovation 4 that:)

hopefully.. i'll be able 2 learn a lot from u in the next couple of mths:)
looking forward to it:)

malaysia.... *sigh*

wat on earth is happening in this country?

how can a person be detained based on a rumour??
its like suspending u from ur job b'coz some1 heard a rumour that ur looking for another...
some1 could easily have cooked de whole thing up!!
its so ridiculous!!

ppl of high ranking making silly statements...
this clearly shows.. u dont know the law... u dont know wat on earth ur talking about.. n u don deserve ur post!!

how can u detain some1 4 reporting issues as they are?
the person who said the wrong issues in de 1st place is the one who should be punished....

the truth will set u free...
i'm embarassed 2 say that this is clearly not the case in the land i have grown up in n called my home......

kids:)

i love kids...
i adore them(most of them) as much as humanly possible...
i need 2 spend time with kids at least 1 a week.. without it..
i'm just so incomplete n everything feels so wrong...
i wish i had a baby/ at least some1 i see really often...

no way i'm getting my own anytime soon.. my mum made it pretty clear that she will be kicking me out of the house...

*sigh*

i'm too young 2 have baby cravings...

loony banoony

i think i finally get crazy ppl...
dat doesnt mean dat i'm crazy.. (altho some of my frens wud beg 2 differ at this point).. haha

if u keep thinking about something again n again n going over it over n over in ur head...
u will lose it...
sooner/later....
hence... do not drive urself crazy unless its really woth it:)

this is a msg from the "trying really hard to be sane society"..

thank u n see u soon:)

mean it

wat does sorry/ i was wrong mean?
it means

• i regret my ways
• i've made a mistake....
• i dont plan on doing it again...
• i know i've done something 2 hurt othrs/u.....
• i wanna change

but when u say i'm sorry/ wrong.. but everything stays exactly de same...

do the world a favour would u?

just shut up.. dont say anything... coz.... u really don care.. stop acting like u do!!

clothes

i love clothes!!
but i absolutely hate folding them n ironing!!!
it's like a form of cruel punishment as far as i'm concerned:)

i wanna get 1 of those machines dat de shop ppl use.. it looks like a vacuum cleaner.. but works like an iron:)

the miracles of technology:)

changing rebecca

i've changed....
so much over the last year...
i hope 4 the better...
for some things.. i'm still trying...
but some things.. i just can't....
its just the way i am.... wat do i do?

should i go against wat makes me me.. just coz i want 2 fit in?
should i be a rock out of 4 fear that showing feelings will come off as being emotional?
should i shut up b'coz i have a tendency 2 say things that make it seem like i'm living in the past(when in reality i'm just saying it b'coz it came across my mind!!)?
should i pretend that everything is ok with wat u say.. just coz i dont want u 2 hate me?
should i call u when i know u listen but u dismiss everything that happens 2 me as silly?
should i be quietly killing myself by wat u say?

why should i care?
i'm sick about worrying about wat othr ppl say/think...
but....its human nature.. ppl cant help it...
u want ppl 2 like u....
but from now on.. i'm going 2 try 2 bother less n less....
n if dat means u like me less.. than so be it..

this is me.. n from now on.. i'm going 2 be more me... n less of wat u want me 2 be.. : )
i've learnt that from a person dear to me..
who i miss so much rite now...
thank u 4 reminding me 2 be me:)

a good fren

wat does it mean 2 be a good fren? if they have problems/need a shoulder 2 cry on.. u be there 4 them..
wat about those who dont have problems? how do u be a good fren then?
some 1 said.. by being a chatting buddy.. but that can be any Tom, Dick n Harry..

i think...

if u can tell some1 anything.,. = good friend
say anything and not be judged for it = good friend
understands who u are n accepts u 4 who u r but at the same time gives u advice when u r self destructing = good fren
can call at any hour of the day just b'coz u got an email from the boy u've been crushing on = good fren
when u dont call for a week/2... actually bothers... = good fren
remembers the little things... = good fren

:)

birthdays

for me... birthdays are... have always been.. special occasions...
they dont have 2 be celebrated elaborately... but as long as it is recognized..
for the 1st time after many yrs.. memebers of my extended family didnt come.. with good reason i guess..

but... u know wat made my day?

my grandfather...

he rarely talks... likes to sing a lot... sometimes forgets who i am...

but today.. he kept saying..
i'm so happy.. i'm so happy....
n when my granma asked him wy...
he said... its rebecca's birthday:) (n i think its also coz he got cake.. haha)

that's de sweetest thing i cud ever ask for.. and i thank God for giving me these little moments & wonderful ppl that make my life so much more meaningful:)

honesty

it sux when some1 tells u sumting bad... especially bout urself... but yet..
we say... be honest..
i've been getting a lot of honest answers lately from my frens.. i feel the pinch.. but i know they r looking out 4 me...

its not easy balancing out trying 2 be a better person... but at the same time.. not changing who u are...
but wat bout de ppl who are naturally horrible? (hope dats not me!! haha)
wudnt dat mean that they end up changing who they really are as well?

the balance... its wat i'm looking for:)

emotional luggage

i dont know wats wrong with me....
i'm not an unhappy person.. but i just realized.. dat sometimes... the things i say.. tend 2 make ppl feel dat way... coz i focus on de bad rather than de good i guess...
in my head i'm always looking on de bright side.. but it doesnt come out dat way...
i think i tend 2 feel better when i let out de bad.. coz then.. only de good part remains in me.. n i feel better.. guess i shud also think bout how dats making me sound.. something 2 think about..
anywayz,,, 2 all my good frenz(who wud probably be de only ones reading this anyway)!! haha...
thank u so much 4 all ur support n i love u guyz tons!!
even tho i may be so complicated n flawed.. thanks 4 sticking around:)

new govt?

sept 13/16th.. whichever it is..
has been set as the date by which a possible "new govt" might come into being...
an ardent opposition suppoter... an anti govertment individual.. i am neither:)

Rome was not built in a day.... many election promises have yet 2 be fulfilled.. it will take time...
the opposition.. are largely new 2 de world of politics altho many r experienced...
thus.. we need to give them time n they need 2 give themselves time 2 fulfill all their promises.. n slowly learn the ropes..

would u put your life in the hands of an 18 yr old who has just found out the meaning of real freedom?.... i wouldnt...the 18 yr old would be the new govt...

however... once he matures.. a yr/2.. n has proven himself worthy.. u wud trust him with greater responsibilities....
similarly... once the opposition "matures"... proves themselves more.. they wud have more ppls support.. more than they already do!!

in addition.. thr is a higher chance.. of less of an anti govt spirit.. n a more.. "we like u because your actually good" spirit!!

pls don get me wrong.. i am in no way casting doubt on their capabilities.. but i do think the take over is premature... they need to grow more, learn the ropes, have a better understanding... and then... if & when they take over... i do believe.. that it would be what's best for the country..

on the othr side of the coin.. i don know what the mp's are thinking by allowing the dna bill through.. a minister had the cheek to say they can just fill in the missing pieces later...
as a law student.. i have learnt that.. although no law can envision all possible circumstances n cover it... the law makesrs SURE AS HELL TRY!!!

it is ridiculous to allow something that is doubtful from the beginning!
wat is wrong with having a detailed consultation?
if thr r no dodgy reasons n all is being done for the good of the country..... why not??

if the govt really wants 2 prove itself worthy n capable... they should allow consultation.. n whenn it comes out in its original form.. they can be proud of themselves;) if not.. at least the ppl would appreciate the fact that they are willing n open 2 change... as well as to listen to the voice of the ppl n not living out their own political dreams...

junk in the trunk...

i went out with my fren the other day...
she told me i put on weight!!!! noooooooooooooooooooooo!!! after all de jogging??!!!!
why?!?! this sux!!!

when i asked her whr.. she said my butt!!
my butt looks de same size 2 me!!
this is so weird!!
my body is b'coming like seasons of the year... different parts get bigger/fatter at different parts of the year!!